Growing into your life

This morning I read a short article by a positive thinker person. A good and uplifting piece. But one thing he said caught me. It was this: "you can't change the past. You can only come to terms with it. You can change the future."

I was taken back to a conversation with an old friend of mine, Paul Fairweather. Paul was a fighter pilot in the second world war flying more than 80 missions in a P51. He was wise, generous, and full of a kind of spiritual energy that was magnetic. One day we were talking about the issue of change and what we do with past wounds.

"There are those who say you can't change the past" he said, "but I disagree. I change the past every day." He went on to explain that the past is carried in our imaginations. Those who study the philosophy of history have noticed that history has no absolute truth or absolute reality but what we understand of history is a joint product of many 'imaginations' recreating stories told by other 'imaginations.' We create the past just as we do the present.

Changing the past is necessary to living your life fully. Relationally, if you are 'locked' into one version of past experience every day is going to look a lot like yesterday. In workshop settings we frequently teach couples how to 're-imagine' past wounds, how to integrate the wisdom inherent in every challenging experience, how to reframe issues that they have chronically and negatively repeated.

Change the past and you'll change the present. In fact, changing the way you relate to the past is the only way you can fully live in the present and living in the present opens the door to loving in a way that is true.

For more on this check out www.marriageconversation.com