Thursday, August 09, 2007

Pre Marital Coaching and the issue of Contempt

Mark Goodyear has left a new comment on your post "Pre Marriage
> Coaching":
> This reminds me of John Gottman's Love Lab. John Medina, a scientist
> who worked with Gottman, told me that the number one predictor of
> marriage failure is contempt.When partners show contempt for each
> other, the marriage will fail 95% of the time. Or something like
> that.So here's the question. Can you teach people not to show contempt
> through pre-marital counseling?
> Moderate comments for this blog:
> http://www.blogger.com/moderate-comment.g?blogID=27202569
> Posted by Mark Goodyear to The Marriage Conversation Blog at 11:32 AM
"Some say the world will end in fire and some say in ice.." Contempt is ice. Also it may be petrified anger. I'm a coach and teach people to identify and transform deeply held wounds that manifest as calcified or petrified anger - in other words, contempt. The transformation usually comes out looking like passion - a deep discovery of their own right to love and be loved. It's a function of Grace.
So we don't teach people not to show contempt but instead we teach them how to transform their wounds (the roots of contempt) into their passion.
Pre marital counseling helps them identify where their own work is and where the potential booby traps in relationship are for them.

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